You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
