he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
