Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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