Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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