his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
