after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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