I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
