why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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