It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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