I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
