I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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