I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I currently don't understand fingers.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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