I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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