Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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