Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
