dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
