Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
