with your own penis?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
