Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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