Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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