Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
