dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
