Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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