I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
