she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
