I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
