Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
