I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
