hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sext me about skeletons
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
