remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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