Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
