omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
