i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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