Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
