Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
