in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
