Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
