I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
