Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
