he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
