If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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