Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
