I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
