when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
