I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
