just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
