so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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