If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
