There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
