she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
