some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
