Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
