This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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